“The chances are that at some time in your life, possibly only now and then between husbands, you will find yourself settling down to a solitary existence. You may do it from choice. Or you may—though, of course, you don’t—belong to the great army of Lonely Hearts with nobody to love them.”
So began Vogue editor Marjorie Hillis’s 1936 handbook for independent women, Live Alone and Like It. “This is a group,” she quips, “to which no one with any gumption need belong for more than a couple of weeks, but in which a great many people settle permanently and gloomily.”
I’m chuckling to myself now as I write this from the balcony of my little studio apartment in South Beach where I live alone and love it. I found this original copy of Hillis’ book over a year ago, from a secondhand online shop. It arrived crusty and dignified, its pages browned, deckled, and rough-edged like an ancient scroll or a forgotten love letter from another era.
At the time, I was in a group chat full of unhappily single women, had been living alone for about a year myself, and was wondering how one might not just endure solitude, but actually adore it. I sure as hell didn’t want to be a soldier in the great army of Lonely Hearts.
There’s something about knowing that chic, independent women have been living alone and liking it for nearly a century that makes me feel as though I’ve joined a sexy secret society. “This business of making your own life may sound dreary,” Marjorie wrote, “especially if you have a dated mind and still think of yourself as belonging to the Weaker Sex. But it really isn’t. You can have a grand time doing it.”
Haha, totally agree, Marjorie! Let’s initiate our sisters into the glamorous ranks of the happily single and solitary.
Related: How to Love Your Life: From the Diary of a Woman Who Loves Her Life
How to Live Alone and Love It (Or at Least What I Learned)
You know, it’s funny… I never thought of people who lived alone as these sad, greasy-haired souls ordering Chinese takeout every night and crying themselves to sleep like the usual stereotype. I don’t actually know too many single people who live that way, unhappy as they’re sometimes portrayed.
And I can’t say I’ve ever looked at a woman who lives alone, clearly content in her own company, and felt sorry for her simply because there wasn’t a partner in sight. There’s always been something a little mysterious, even alluring, about that kind of freedom and independence.
Of course, that was all from my vantage point of having a live-in partner, so my imagination of solitude was purely theoretical. I didn’t yet know what it felt like to come home and be all alone, to fill a space entirely with your own stuff, and to discover what you like (and what you really don’t) when no one else’s preferences come into play.
And yet, despite admiring those independent women from afar, I still carried my own subtle conditioning. Somewhere along the line, I’d absorbed the idea that living with a man meant being loved, and so living alone must mean the absence of it. Like many women, I’d been taught that solitude was proof of being unwanted, that to live alone was to have no one who loved you enough to stay.
It was a silly, narrow way to see things. Like believing love and romance only count if there’s someone snoring beside you.
What I know now is that living alone doesn’t symbolize a lack of love; it’s simply one of the ways we learn how to love ourselves. And honestly, I’ve gotten so good at it, I’m not sure I ever want to live any other way… even when the love of a man eventually does find me.
Here’s how to love living alone:
1. Decide What Kind of Life You Want—and Make It for Yourself
You’ve got to decide what kind of life you truly want and then make it for yourself. Marjorie would agree with me.
“It is true,” she says, “that it is the lady who expects orchids who gets them, while you and I are pinning on a single gardenia. With this in mind, you can figure out for yourself just what you’ll become with a mental picture of ‘poor little me, all alone in a big bad world.’ Not only will you soon actually be all alone; you will also be an outstanding example of the super-bore.”
She’s not wrong. It’s basically Law of Attraction 101. If you think of your life as one of delight and wonder, that’s exactly what it will be. But if you walk around thinking of yourself as a lonely spinster, then that’s what you’ll become too. And let’s get real—nobody enjoys being around someone who hates their life. And if they do… do you really want to be around them?
2. Create a Space You Can Fall in Love With
If you’re going to live alone, you might as well make it stylish and comfortable. Those are really my only two rules.
My little studio in South Beach isn’t large, but it’s organized and decorated just the way I like it. My mattress is like sleeping in the clouds, and the sheets are so fresh and crisp that I feel like I’m checking into a boutique hotel every night. My vintage Marshall speaker serenades me from the kitchen while I cook dinner. And my tiny balcony, which somehow fits a table for two, has hosted more than a few fancy dinner parties, complete with long-stemmed glasses and candles that flicker away in the ocean breeze.
Your version doesn’t have to look anything like mine. Maybe it’s a sunlit corner with your favorite books stacked high, or a plant haven that’s practically an indoor jungle. The point is to create a home that feels like a reflection of you. And when you love where you live, being alone starts feeling like an art form.
3. Engage in Beautiful Pastimes
The longer I live alone, the more beautiful and rich my entire life seems to become. At one point, when I was cohabitating, so much of my life revolved around compromise… What to eat, what to watch, how to spend a Sunday afternoon. Now, my days feel delightfully my own.
I spend my downtime watching rom-coms and documentaries about our beautiful planet, reading scandalous novels or books about how to live a blissful life, dreaming up yummy concoctions (and then actually making them!) like dark chocolate and fennel rice bread, and pouring my creativity onto the pages of this blog.
Maybe for you, it’s painting while hip hop blares in the background (like one of my best single girlfriends!), or gardening barefoot in the sun. Or maybe it’s curating playlists or vinyl collections that soundtrack your moods (like my single neighbor!).
Whatever it is, just make it something that makes your soul move.
Related: How to Love Being Single: From the Diary of a Happily Single Woman
4. Curate a Wardrobe You Adore
Living alone doesn’t mean letting yourself go. I’ve found that getting dressed in clothes I love is one of the simplest ways to feel like I’m living my life to the fullest. Otherwise, it’s far too easy to spend the day running around in sweats or workout clothes, especially when you work from home.
I used to have a wardrobe full of cheap clothes, half of them ill-fitting and many sitting untouched in the depths of my closet for years. These days, I’m intentional about curating a minimal wardrobe of quality pieces I actually wear and adore. Every six months, I do a donation run to clear out anything that no longer fits my body or suits my mood.
I used to dress for occasions like dinners out, date nights, or events. Now, I dress for moods. Some days I’m easy breezy in a summer dress; other days I’m feeling a little edgy in oversized pants and a halter top.
Curating a wardrobe you adore means finding the pieces that make you feel magnetic, so life can feel a little more magical… just like it already is.
5. Let People In—On Your Terms
Historically, I’ve been a bit of a social butterfly. I’ve hosted my fair share of events around town. I love people, and for many years, I thrived on having lots of them around.
Then I started living alone.
There’s something about the peace and quiet of solitude that starts to feel luxurious the more you relax into it. If you sit with yourself long enough, stare your own drama in the face long enough, and learn how to quiet your mind and simply enjoy, you come to find that aloneness is bliss. And once you do, you naturally become more selective about who you let into your home and your life.
These days, I love a good solo night out, sipping a cocktail and chatting with strangers at a swanky lounge or my favorite piano bar. I also love a social night in, hosting dinner parties on my balcony or cozy movie nights on rainy weekends.
But now, I’m deeply protective of the energy around me—what I let in and what I give out. It’s not about isolating myself, but rather about preserving what’s good. You’ve got to care more about your peace and joy than anything else. And that, I’ve learned, is the secret to truly loving your life.
Related: How to Love Yourself: From the Diary of a Self-Loving Woman
The Joy of Living Alone
I’ve got to say, the longer I live alone, the more I like it. My thoughtfully curated space. The peace that greets me when I step through the door. The colors and textures filling my kitchen cupboards. The clothes hanging joyfully in my well-adorned closet. Hosting friends when the mood strikes, coming and going as I please, with no one to consult or consider.
And although I’m sure the day will come when the love of a man finds me, for now you’ll find me blissfully enjoying my solitary living quarters… Music playing, candles lit, and dinner for one served on my prettiest plate.
Marjorie Hillis once said, “making your own life might sound dreary”—but trust me, it’s anything but. I am, indeed, having a grand ol’ time!
So, tell me: What do you love most about living alone?
