A few years ago, I ended an 11-year relationship because it had long lost it’s joy and I entered into life as a single woman. I had this idea that single people were having the time of their lives. After all, I live in Miami Beach—one of the sexiest cities in the world!
I imagined nights out dancing and having cocktails with friends, weekends spent by the pool or at the beach with my crew, fancy dinner parties in chic city apartments, and lazy brunches on Sunday mornings. In my mind, it would be something akin to Sex and the City. Dating for fun, being alone and happy, and generally enjoying single life to the fullest! I just knew I was going to love being single.
I was quickly bummed to learn that many of my single friends, and the new people I met, were quietly (often loudly) unhappily single. I would spend weekends going through my lengthy phone contact list looking for just one single soul who wanted to have a cocktail and go dancing on a Saturday night. I mostly couldn’t find one, and if I did, I’d often spend the night in drawn-out conversations about the dire state of dating and the “crisis of men.” Sex was on everyone’s mind, and yet it was mostly making everyone miserable… including me!
I couldn’t understand how, in a city of sexy beaches, sunny skies, beautiful people, raging nightclubs, high-end restaurants, and endless fun, no-one seemed to be truly having fun. And they certainly didn’t seem happy!
One day, I was sitting by the pool watching the boats float around in the bay, and questions started popping into my head, starting with: How could you possibly be unhappy in a beautiful place like this? And then, What does it take for someone to be happily single? How can I learn to fully enjoy being alone? How can I be completely content exactly where I am in this season of singleness? Basically, how can I be single and happy?
Related: How to Love Your Life: From the Diary of a Woman Who Loves Her Life
How to Be Happy Single (Or At Least What I Learned!)
It’s easy to think that the grass is greener on the other side. Almost every woman I know wants something that she doesn’t currently have. We think we’ll be happier when we have the partner, the dream job, the adorable kids, or the bottomless bank account. A lot of us secretly believe that happiness will arrive with “the One.”
It only takes a few mismatched relationships to realize that having a partner is not the answer to your joy. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that healthy, happy relationships don’t exist. I sure hope they do! Because, I’d love to experience one myself, some day.
But if we’re always chasing what’s not here, we miss the sweetness of what is. And what’s here can be pretty amazing. This season of life can be juicy, peaceful, exciting, and deliciously free, if you let it.
So, here’s are the steps I took to embrace single life and find happiness alone:
1. I Learned the Facts About Being a Happily Single Woman
In my desire to understand the plight of the single woman, I typed into Google: happiness and the single woman. I half-expected to find a flood of articles proving that women in relationships were happier. I mean, that’s the story we’ve been spoon-fed for generations. (Never mind that many of the women I know in relationships don’t exactly radiate joy.)
I was kinda surprised when I found an article about Why Single Women are the Happiest People on Earth. Turns out that, based on several studies, like this one in Social Psychological and Personality Science, single women, compared with women in relationships, are happier with their relationship status, their sex life, and have a higher overall sense of well-being.
The articles were telling me that women in relationships take on more household labor, their “sexual pleasure is deprioritized in long-term heterosexual relationships,” and they’re so busy managing multiple demands that their overall happiness and well-being take a nosedive. Side note: apparently, the lives of heterosexual men get better when they have a woman in their life… go figure!
Single and childless women who live alone are reportedly living the dream! It’s not to say I wouldn’t love to experience a fun, happy, healthy relationship one day, but I’ve learned to embrace my season of singleness with deep contentment and joy, understanding that the grass is not always greener on the other side. And, that my happiness has little to do with my relationship status.
2. I Got Grateful for The Unexpected Benefits of Being Single
When I was in a relationship, my partner’s alarm would go off at some ungodly hour. He’d be out the door by 5:30 a.m., and I’d usually drag myself up too… mostly out of guilt. Although he never really gave me a hard time about any of it, I felt guilty if I slept in, guilty spending “our money” on things that made me happy, guilty for wanting things that didn’t involve us.
When I first became single, those habits stuck around and the old patterns of guilt lingered. I’d still wake up early, almost like someone might come knocking to check on how productive I’d been. Until one morning, it hit me: Wait… I can do whatever I want! I can sleep until 7 a.m. and still be a good human. I can eat dinner at 4 p.m. like a grandma or at midnight like I’m a 20-year old again. I can host friends on a whim, or take long bubble baths, or binge watch rom-coms without anyone asking me to turn it down.
The unexpected part of it all is how ridiculously good freedom feels. I get to fill my days with everything I love. Slow mornings, skincare rituals, mind-bending books, beautiful movies, and great clients I can coach from my cloud couch. I can spend money on what lights me up without guilt or feeling the need to justify it to anyone.
The unexpected benefit of being single is that your time, space, and choices belong entirely to you. And when it finally sinks in, you realize that kind of freedom is the ultimate luxury.
3. I Made My Home a Sanctuary
I’ve always loved cozy homes and minimal design. Bright spaces, crisp lines, soft textures. Give me a big cloud couch, a flickering candle, and clean countertops, and I’m happy. There’s something about coming home to a thoughtfully designed space after a long day that makes me feel like I’m winning at life.
For a long time, though, I lived in spaces that didn’t feel like me. They were “ours,” not mine. Most design choices were a negotiation. It wasn’t until after my breakup (and a year of rooming with a friend) that I realized how much of myself I’d been leaving out of the places I called home.
There are some things you only truly appreciate once you’ve lived alone again. Like finally buying that extra plush pillow-top mattress you’ve dreamed of for years (because your ex swore by the firm, rock-hard one). Or arranging your home exactly how you like it. No framed sports memorabilia or cluttered photo displays. Just peace, beauty, and surfaces so clear they make your soul smile.
My slow home is truly a sanctuary. It’s where I work, host, dance, dream, and rest. It’s so aligned with who I am that sometimes I wonder if I ever want to share it again. (Ha, jury’s still out!)
Related: Slow Living at Home: Creating a Slow Home that Soothes the Soul
4. I Nailed My Health and Beauty Routine
It’s true that when you feel good in the skin you’re in, everything else starts to flow.
There’s something about being single that makes me want to glow even harder. I don’t just want to be healthy, I want to radiate. I want to feel so vibrant and energized that my outer glow matches the woman I am on the inside.
I had already gone through one transformation during my official “slow year” while I was still in a relationship. But once I became single, I realized it was time to go all in on me again. Only deeper this time.
I began refining my routines and making my health feel sacred. I talked with friends about skincare that actually worked and felt good. I dove into the world of slow beauty and found rituals that invited me to slow down and relish in the simple art of self-care. I traded punishing workouts for slow Lagree and yoga, and I started wandering the fresh food section of my local grocery store like a woman in love with life, enchanted by the colors, textures, and smells.
Somewhere along the way, I began to see how deeply my health and beauty were intertwined. The more I nourished my body with whole, vibrant foods and movement that felt sensual instead of punishing, the more I glowed. I learned that true beauty isn’t surface-level. It’s something you embody. It’s the glow that comes from honoring your body, feeding it with love, and tending to yourself with devotion.
Today, I have a health and beauty routine that feels simple but indulgent, cupboards filled with bright, colorful foods, and a body that feels strong, feminine and alive. After years of struggling against my body and my “acne-prone” skin, I finally love the skin I’m in.
I’ve learned that the real glow-up isn’t about looking like you belong on the cover of a magazine. It’s not about having the “right” products or doing things perfectly. It’s about taking exquisite care of yourself and becoming the kind of woman who knows, wholeheartedly, that she deserves her own love and attention.
5. I Learned How to Date for Fun and Without Stress or Pressure
I still remember the first time I got on a dating app. As I was filling out my profile, it asked me for my “Dating Goals.” I sat staring blankly at my screen. Dating goals? It asked: Do you want a long-term relationship, a short-term relationship, or something casual? Uhhh…
I didn’t really have a goal, per se. I knew I wanted the experience of love, to have fun and enjoy the company of great men. I just wasn’t quite set on how it should “look.”
I’ve noticed that when we have a goal, most of us get pretty intense about achieving it, especially when it comes to relationships. Every person we meet either matches up to our criteria or doesn’t. They either “waste our time,” or they fit into our plan. When I date with a goal in mind, I have less fun and I’m a little less happy, because everything becomes about meeting that goal. So, I decided to date with only one intention: to enjoy my life.
Now, I go on dates and usually have a great time because I just stay open to the possibilities of life. I enjoy myself, even when the guy I’m with doesn’t end up being my person. I have fun stories to tell my girlfriends, and sometimes new wisdom to share. Dating is a joy, not a nightmare, because I’m doing it for the experience, not the outcome. In that way, it adds to my happiness instead of taking away from it.
Related: Taking it Slow in Dating: 5 Slow Dating Principles to Change the Way You Date
6. I Stopped Feeling Desperate and Started Being Present
When I first became single, I spent a lot of time daydreaming about my next big love. I even kept a Legendary Love Letter handy, that I had written before leaving my ex, declaring everything I wanted in my next partnership.
It took me a long while to realize that legendary love and romance are available to me in the everyday moments of life, with or without a man. If I would just stop and be present to all the beauty there is, then I would learn how to enjoy my own company and start loving life alone.
I came to realize over time, that when I’m in my head, thinking about the future, ruminating on “what’s missing,” or wishing for life to be different than what it is, I’m out of the present moment and all of its beauty.
But when I stay present in my body, let my thoughts of lack drift away and pay attention to the beauty of small moments—the way the sun streams through my window in the mornings, the way the shadows of the palm trees dance on my walls at night, the sound of birds singing, the taste of caramelized pear and brie crêpes from my favorite café, the feeling of a soulful melody flowing from my speakers and into my body—that’s when I am truly in love with my life. That’s when I am embracing wholeheartedly my season of singleness and the joy of solitude.
Related: How to Romanticize Your Life: 7 Daily Rituals to Make Life Magical.
How to Be Single and Happy, Right Now.
The irony of fully embracing life alone is that the happier you are, and the more fun you have alone, the more others suddenly want to join you. Once I stopped scrolling through my phone on Saturday nights looking for someone to hang out with, people just started flowing effortlessly into my life.
Today, I enjoy those nights out dancing and sipping cocktails, weekends spent by the pool or at the beach with friends, and lazy brunches on Sunday mornings. My life has indeed become somewhat akin to Sex and the City—just without all the drama (and, okay, maybe a little less sex. Ha!).
Enjoying being single isn’t about convincing yourself you’ll never want a relationship again. It’s about fully embracing where you are right now. Love, happiness, and romance exist within you, not outside of you. By focusing on gratitude, play, and the beauty of everyday moments, I’m learning how to make this season one of the most fulfilling times of my life. I’m learning how to love being a sexy single woman and to truly embrace the beauty of being alone.
So, what about you? Are you ready to embrace the fun and joy of single life? What’s your favorite part of being alone? Tell me in the comments below.
Andrea
For me, I realized that I am a miserable person. I was miserable when I was single, I was still miserable when I was in love and together with another woman for a year. And after the breakup I am still miserable. So even though I desire romance and sex I don’t pursue these things. I have only one goal, and after that I can die content. That being to create a place free of sexual violence.
Candis Williams
The intention you hold here is truly honorable, and a beautiful one to orient your life around. I appreciate your openness, honesty, and courage in sharing this, Andrea.