There’s something in the air lately. Relationships are ending, work is demanding, loved ones are being lost. Hearts are hurting. I’ve had so many conversations the past few weeks with women who are just tired. Tired of being strong and holding it all together while quietly drowning in a sea of their own emotions.
Last night, I sat on my balcony, wondering what I wanted to write about today. The breeze was calm, but my mind was busy. Between a new company coaching contract, my current workload, my mum visiting for the next month (and wanting to be fully present with her), a growing curiosity about investing, and a sneaky sense that I may have bitten off more than I want to chew… I’ve been feeling a little unsettled in my spirit.
It’s hard to feel peace when your mind won’t stop working, when the to-do list keeps growing, and your body never gets a chance to rest. So today, I want to share the steps I’m taking to find my center again and to return to that still, grounded peace that reminds me everything’s okay, even when life feels like a lot.
How to Find Peace
“Finding peace” is such an interesting phrase, as if peace were a lost pet or a misplaced possession I could somehow track down and reclaim. But the more I live, and the more moments of peace I experience, the more I understand that peace isn’t something I lose—so it’s not something I have to find.
Peace is what’s revealed when nothing gets in its way.
I see it now in the simplest things. It’s in the leaves of the trees dancing in the wind, the birds gliding effortlessly across the sky, the rain falling gently on a warm summer afternoon. Of course, nature isn’t always calm… storms roll in, winds destroy. But even then, peace returns. It always does.
And that’s how I see it in myself, too. If peace has found me once, it will find me again. It’s always here, waiting beneath the surface. I just have to come back into alignment with the flow that’s already here.
Here’s what I’m practicing to return to that peace again and again:
I’m Slowing Down My Thoughts
Every time I feel disconnected from the source of peace within me, I’ve come to see it’s because my mind is hard and fast at work. Slowing down often starts with something as simple as a whisper to myself: “Take it easy, Candis. Breathe.”
When I make a conscious effort to slow down my thoughts, I start to see that I don’t always need to be moving so fast through my life, either. And in that slowness, peace becomes available to me again.
Someone shared with me this week that she was feeling overwhelmed about what’s next in her business. Her thoughts were crowding her mind so relentlessly that she found herself at a standstill, completely unsure which way to go. The irony is, and I’ve seen this play out with many of my coaching clients, that the mind can move so quickly and so loudly that we end up freezing. Then we judge ourselves for being stuck, which only amplifies the anxiety we already feel.
By slowing down, I give my mind space, my spirit rest, and permission for my body to pause, too.
Related: Slow Thinking: How to Calm Your Mind, Relax Your Spirit and Think More Clearly
I’m Letting Go of Control
Trying to control situations, my work, or other people—even subtly influencing them to do what I want—has been the bane of my existence over the years. It’s exhausting and frustrating wanting people or circumstances to be something other than what they are. And it’s completely futile to try to control what’s outside of my control.
Somehow, I periodically forget this basic truth that took me over thirty years to accept.
What I know now is that the opposite of control is freedom. And freedom is something I desire so deeply in my life. I want to be free. I want others to be free. I want to live free, from the inside out.
When I cling too tightly, I end up caging myself, forcing myself into an experience I don’t even want to be having. But when I let go of the need to manage, fix, or take responsibility for anyone or anything that hasn’t freely asked for my input, I reclaim my peace.
“I release you, I set you free.”
“I release myself, I set myself free.”
These are the words I come back to when I’ve lost connection with the peace within me. They are simple reminders that freedom and peace are always waiting on the other side of letting go.
I’m Coming Back to My Body
It’s almost always true for me that if my spirit isn’t at peace, it’s because I’ve been spending too much time in my head, thinking incessantly and overanalyzing. Trying to figure everything out. I somehow make it through the day, but my brain feels foggy the entire time.
Coming back to my body means feeling it, and bringing my focus and awareness inward. Allowing myself to enjoy being here.
Sometimes that looks like moving in ways that feel new or playful. Sometimes it’s standing under a warm shower, water pouring down my back as I remember what it’s like to simply feel. It might be relishing a beautifully prepared meal, burning a candle and inhaling the sweet scent of vanilla or coconut, or giving my hands a slow massage at the end of a long day. Even stepping outside to admire the banana tree that blossoms around the corner from my home brings me back to myself.
Coming back to my body reminds me that I am a multidimensional, sensory being and there’s an entire life to be lived inside of me, not just observed from my head. And there’s so much peace and joy in that.
I’m Choosing Simplicity Again
I was reflecting on a new relationship I’ve been entertaining recently when the thought “Too hard basket!” suddenly popped into my head. In other words, too complicated. Ha!
Then yesterday, during a coaching session with a group of business leaders, the same thought returned. “Sheesh! Too complicated!”
I make my living coaching business leaders, executives, and generally high-achieving, overworked women, and I can tell you this much: most of us have a tendency to overcomplicate and overdo everything. And for me, complication almost always equals confusion. And confusion messes with my peace.
Whether I’ve overcomplicated my workflows, signed up for unnecessary paperwork, added too many steps to my skincare routine, or allowed complication to creep into my relationships, it all leaves me feeling scattered and uneasy. The more I simplify, the more space I have to breathe.
So today, I’m choosing simplicity again. I’m asking myself: What needs to be eliminated? What can I let go of or relax about? How can I make life a little simpler today?
Because I know that peace lives in the clear, uncluttered spaces that I create on purpose.
Coming Back to Peace… Again
I’ve found that life is mostly uncertain and it will always offer us something to manage, fix, or figure out. Some seasons feel light and breezy, while others seem to press down on every inch of my spirit.
But no matter what’s happening around me, I’m learning that peace isn’t something I have to find. It’s something that’s always here, present beneath all my thoughts, complications, confusion, and angst.
When I slow down, let go of control, come back to my body, and choose simplicity again, I reconnect with that innate sense of peace that lives within me. The world may be in turmoil, people may still be complicated, and responsibilities may still pile up, but inside I can always return to stillness.
And when I do, I find that peace is there, waiting patiently beneath the noise, ready to be remembered.
